Rock Star vs. The Robot: Ai Headshot Showdown
By Claudia Fontaine
Raises interested eyebrow while adjusting mic stand
Picture this: I’m sitting in a dimly lit Sydney pub, watching a rock legend battle with his smartphone like it’s a Rubik’s cube from hell. Barney Dawson, the reformed wild child of Australian music and lead singer of The Dawson Effect, is squinting at his screen with the intensity usually reserved for decoding ancient hieroglyphs or trying to read a menu without reading glasses.
“Love, you won’t believe this rubbish,” he calls out, his bald head gleaming under the fluorescent lights like a disco ball at a retirement party. “I’ve been trying to get some new promo shots done with one of them AI headshot things. The robot keeps telling me to ‘adjust my pose for optimal results.’ I’ve been posing since before this computer was a twinkle in some programmer’s eye!”
The scene unfolds like a comedy sketch as Barney, surrounded by his equally seasoned bandmates, attempts to navigate the brave new world of AI photography. Dave “The Riff” Thompson, the band’s guitarist, peers over Barney’s shoulder, his reading glasses perched precariously on his nose. “Mate, you look like you’re being held hostage by a Instagram influencer’s algorithm.”
“it tried to give me hair. HAIR! I haven’t seen my natural hairline since Countdown was still on the telly!”
“First off,” Barney explains, waving his phone like a conductor’s baton gone rogue, “the bloody thing kept telling me my face was ‘not optimally positioned.’ Mate, I’ve had my face in this position for 60 years – it’s not changing now! And when I finally got it right, it tried to give me hair. HAIR! I haven’t seen my natural hairline since Countdown was still on the telly!”
The band’s drummer, Mickey “The Thunder” Williams, almost spits out his beer. “Remember when our biggest technological challenge was keeping the synthesizer in tune? Now we’re fighting with robots over your headshots. What’s next – AI writing our lyrics?”
“Don’t even joke about that,” Barney growls, though there’s a twinkle in his eye. “Last thing we need is some computer trying to rhyme ‘heart’ with ‘smart’ in every bloody song.”
The real entertainment came when the band decided to test different AI platforms against each other. “We sink tins, root birds if we’re lucky, and pump out chart-toppers like there’s no tomorrow!” Barney declared, quoting one of his famous lyrics. “But trying to get a decent headshot from these robots? That’s the real challenge, mate.”
He showed me a series of AI-generated attempts that looked like they’d been created by a computer having an existential crisis. One had given him a full head of hair that would make Jon Bon Jovi jealous (“Bit late for that, eh?”), another had somehow turned his signature leather jacket into what appeared to be a corporate blazer (“Look like I’m about to do your taxes!”), and my personal favorite – one that had merged his face with what seemed to be a stock photo of a teenage influencer.
“Look at this one,” Dave chimes in, pointing at particularly bizarre creation. “It’s like you had a baby with a LinkedIn motivational speaker. ‘Transform your business with the power of rock!’ Strewth!”
The next scene takes place in the band’s rehearsal space, where they’ve pinned all the AI attempts on a wall they’ve dubbed “The Hall of Fame… or Shame?” Each failed attempt has been given a nickname, from “Corporate Barney” to “Hipster Barney” to “Barney from the Multiverse.”
“Sixties, come and bite shit,” Barney chuckles, showing his defiant spirit. “These AI things might be the future, but sometimes you need a real photographer who understands that not everyone needs to look like they’re selling cryptocurrency on LinkedIn.”
Mickey raises his drumsticks in agreement. “Yeah, and someone who won’t try to photoshop your tattoos into corporate logos. One of these things turned my skull tattoo into a pie chart!”
The band eventually decided to embrace the chaos, turning their AI headshot adventure into a social media campaign. “We’re calling it ‘AI vs. Rock’n’Roll’,” Barney grins. “Letting our fans vote on the worst AI interpretation. Winner gets to suggest what we should make the AI do next.”
Stand-up closer: “You know you’re in trouble when even the AI thinks your bald head needs a makeover. It’s like getting fashion advice from a toaster – sure, it might be smart, but does it really understand the nuances of rock’n’roll? And let’s be honest, if a computer can’t handle Barney’s head, imagine what it would do with Keith Richards!”
P.S. Just between us, The Dawson Effect ended up hiring a professional photographer who promised “Headshots That Get Results.” The AI attempts are now proudly displayed on their studio wall under the title “Alternative Universe Barneys” – right next to their gold records and a mysterious stain from their 1989 tour that nobody wants to talk about.
Note: This article is a part of an ongoing test of our Maxys Publishing System = a "humanity centric - Ai Enhanced Transformation" system currently in development.
